Slightly North

<-- 7:42 PM MT -->
This site will be "changing" for 24 hours.

Starting at Midnight Mountain Daylight Time, we will be observing World AIDS Day. So please, come visit and maybe you will learn something new.

Thanks

<-- 10:03 PM MT -->
This is from Frus:


I'd really like to see more sites on this list. Think about it. It may not mean anything, but when was the last time your site even had a remote chance to make a statement, or make a difference? What were you gonna do wednesday anyway? Something better?

Sad really. A million freakin weblogs out there, and only few willing to actually say anything of any importance. I know you're thinking it's silly, and it won't make a difference, but like I said...You got something better to do?

Wanna make a real statement make a day without all webpages. No matter what silly label you have for yourself. Yeah right...Like [Insert name here] is willing to lose a day without banner clicks for any sort of cause. Ah well, it's nice to see the e/n "fraternity" finally start to get some hits now that they've all switched to breast shots and porn.


Not only is all of that totally true, but it is extreamly sad as well. I don't like to get into the e/n popularity fling, but god damn Frus hit it right on the head.


<-- 7:34 AM MT -->
Two nights in a row now. I am being haunted by people I no longer want to know. people I have striken from my life for one reason or another are coming back to me night after night as dreams. I don't think it is just a dream either. I don't usually remember my dreams. So as I stare into the abyss of insanity I am reminded of my past once again. Maybe one last time I should interact with them as. Maybe my dreams are telling me that they are thinking of me. Either way I am frightened at the thought of actually seeing any of them again. Well, maybe all except one. Trevor was always cool, he just seemed to be like the rest. Never opening his mouth to help stop the stupidity spewing from these people's minds. One more reason I stopped caring about the "punkers" in this damn town.

We'll dance off time to the songs we never liked.

<-- 8:15 PM MT -->
So I just realized the Avalanche/Flames game is tonight. I was supposed to be getting tickets for this game from my boss. Now I have to watch it on TV. Argh, but Forsberg is back from his injury last year. Ouch, he got whomped.

So today I drove Corin7 down to south Denver to get his new end table. They told him he would need a truck to get it but he actually didn't. We talked a lot about the future. We are going to start a new company together and see if we can create for a living rather then fixing things. I am so sick of...


Holy shit, Forsberg just scored after 1:26 into the first period in his first game back this season. HOLY SHIT AGAIN BATMAN! Podein just scored at 1:59!!! That's 2 goals in 33 seconds!!!


*ahem* Where was I? Ah yes...
I am so sick of not being able to do anything creative at work. I mean, I like my job and all, but I don't ever have to think about anything. I don't get to have much fun.

Anyway, I am going to watch the game. I am all amped up now.

<-- 9:49 PM MT -->
Found a new one. Actually he linked to us first. It is called ClockWork. I like it, but then again I am a big Clockwork Orange fan...

See what I mean: ClockWork

Link also added to the list on the left. Cheers!


<-- 7:01 PM MT -->
"A Thanksgiving Prayer"
By William S. Burroughs

To John Dillinger, in hopes that he is still alive:
Thanks for the wild turkey and passenger pigeons, destined to be shit out through holes in American guts.
Thanks for a continent to despoil and poison.
Thanks for Indians to provide a modicum of challenge and danger.
Thanks for vast herds of bison to kill and skin, leaving the carcasses to rot.
Thanks for bounties on wolves and coyotes.
Thanks for the American Dream: to vulgarize and falsify until the bare lies shine through.
Thanks for the KKK, for nigger-killin' lawmen feelin' their notches, for decent church-goin' women with their mean, pinched, bitter, evil faces.
Thanks for "Kill a Queer for Christ" stickers.
Thanks for laboratory AIDS.
Thanks for Prohibition and the war against drugs.
Thanks for a country where nobody's allowed to mind his own business.
Thanks for a nation of finks.
Yes, thanks for all the memories--alright let's see your arms! You always were a headache and you always were a bore.
Thanks for the last and greatest betrayal of the last and greatest of human dreams.

Thanksgiving Day, November 28, 1986


<-- 7:48 AM MT -->
To all you USA Citizens out there, Happy Thanksgiving!

To all you Native American Indians out there, sorry about the stupidity of the past few hundred years.

Of course, Thanksgiving is not really about history anymore. We as Americans seem to forget the meaning behind things rather quickly, and adopt more general "feel good about yourself" ideals for our most important pieces of history. July 4th no longer signifies the independence of the USA from the British, it is the day you get to go blow stuff up and try not to get caught in most areas. Thanksgiving is a day to eat tons of food, and try to forget the fact that it marks the day in history that began the genocide of 100 million Native Americans.

Christmas is the worst of them all. No longer does it signify the “birth of Christ,” rather it is the day you get lots of stuff from the people you know. Bastardized to the point that even non-religious people celebrate it just to get presents. Isn’t the Christian faith fun? Coupled with the mentality of today’s “American” we can forget about history and get on with eating and getting free stuff from our loved ones.

So today, as you are stuffing your face with all kinds of good food, take a moment and think about the 100 million Native Americans who gave their life and their land so that you can be here to forget about them. Think about all the culture and history that has been swept under the corporate carpet that we call the USA. Think about the people who are living (impoverished) on government subsidized land not quite big enough for them to carry on their rich culture. Think about all of this and then try and stomach your turkey. Remember history is all around us, and if we don’t learn from it, we are doomed to repeat it.

Manifest Destiny was no better an ideal then Hitler’s “Nationalism.”

<-- 6:28 PM MT -->
I wasn't feeling so great at work today, so I went home at about 2pm. Not 10 minutes after I walked in the door, someone was knocking on it. So I rushed back to the door and whipped it open...

Hellllllooooo UPS! He handed me a box with Electronic Arts printed all over it.

I can't beleive it is finally here. After over a year of waiting, reading, waiting, looking at concept art, waiting, looking at beta screenshots, and more waiting, I finally have my copy of UltimaIX: Ascension.

Don't expect to hear from me in the next month or two. :)

(kidding of course)

<-- 9:16 PM MT -->
rac|ist [re:'sIst ] n. 1 one’s opponent in a debate, especially in cases where race is not the subject EXAMPLE: “A: Japanese people drink a lot of tea. B: You’re a racist! I went to grade school with a girl whose grandmother is Korean and she doesn’t drink tea! Pass the bong!”
SYN. —sexist, ageist, homophobe—although denotatively distinct, these terms are, in this sense, interchangeable in situations wherein the speaker is too lazy or stupid to address the topic at hand


<-- 6:03 PM MT -->
As lovers, we go on "dates." As parents, we make "quality time" for our children. Where words once filled the spaces between us, now time takes place. We distrust pleasant digressions but we respect no-nonsense directions. In the midst of an open-ended conversation, we tap the face of our watch.

We crave a highly efficient solitude, a personalized world that is free of unplanned events. We interact with other human beings via synchronization. Thus, we schedule contact with others. A meeting, by our standards, is seldom a fortuitous occasion. It is instead a confirmation of common timetables, a sign that we are all on the right track.

(Or are we?)

<-- 6:24 PM MT -->
Sorry for a bogus post. Just trying out the new talkback page thing. If you see this please try it out. (If only to say blah blah)

Thanks


<-- 7:17 AM MT -->
How do you define annoying? Try 70 degrees yesterday, and then one foot of snow this morning. Grrrrrrrr.

<-- 7:10 PM MT -->
Homer rocks. Here is a quote from this week's eqipode:


"Kids are great! You can teach them to hate the things that you hate, and they practically raise themselves, what with the internet and all."


I don't know what I would do without the Simpsons...

<-- 9:15 PM MT -->
This has been on my mind lately. I see indy record stores less and less these days. So read this article which I found over at The Denver Post Online's site. It sites examples of why we are seeing less good music stores and more chain megastores.

Not to mention that record labels cut the megastores huge price breaks if they buy in bulk (not something an indy store can do) so the megastore can use music as a loss leader in able to get people in the store to buy electronics, home appliences, and computers.

So next time you think about going to "Best Buy" or "Media Play" to pick up some new music, consider first a small local store.

<-- 4:11 PM MT -->
Dr. Ray Kurzweil, CEO of Kurzweil Technologies, Inc., the manufacturer of many cutting-edge computing and electronic products—including, most important to me, incredible synthesizers, argues in this quarter's Scientific American that by the Law of Accelerating Returns and the exponential rate of development in computing technology, in 2019 we will be able to buy a $1000 personal computer which is equal in processing ability to that of the human brain. By 2055, the same-priced system will have the processing power of all human brains on Earth. If he is right—and his calculations seem sound—we are on the cusp of insignificance.

Is it an accident that this planet’s evolution looks just like the evolution of human technology? —That the way species creep into the mainstream, then dominance, then extinction—looks exactly the same as the way human-built technology is invented, becomes popular, then fades away? Are not the names Australopithecus afrensis, Australopithecus robustus, and Homo sapiens neandertalis—the names of our evolutionary forefathers--simply analogues to DX286, DX486 and Pentium? (Or, as I’d rather have it put: 68000, 68040, PowerPC 601) Standards develop, reach dominance, then are quickly replaced by better technology. Just as certain humanoid lines never bred with those which ultimately produced us, several similar products can exist at one time (see PC vs. Mac processor comparison above). Ultimately, however, one must win out. Perhaps we should not argue over which hardware or software company to support based on our preferences, but upon how we want our species’ successors’ minds to function?

All it takes is one pure, new thought in a machine, networked to others, to bring about the next epoch in existence. The first inkling of wonder at the condition of existence, the first question of why the world is the way it is. The first answer, wrapped in the theology of the best guess. The spare CPU cycle in which the machine next to you becomes a creative entity. The first knowledge of its creator, its God. You. From there, our children can take the Law of Accelerating Returns into their own hands, creating their own theologies, their own technology, their own reality. Soon, our existence becomes inconsequential. Whether we are wiped out in a plague, move to other places in our universe (a universe is merely the perception of reality—we live in a universe of carbon and light—who knows what universe our computers live in), or our actions in the universe of our creations become infrequent or minor makes no difference. Ultimately, our machines will no longer need us and we will cease to exist. All it takes is the first creative thought...


Meanwhile, back in this universe, back in my room, back in my head, I think:

I wish I had been that first theologian.

I wish I had been that solitary half-ape who looked up at the lightning in the dark African sky and saw the gods fighting. And afterward wandered back to the warmth of the camp, to the women with whom he’d sired children ... to my children, to my fellow men, to my dying parents, to the raw fruits and vegetables and the meat merely warmed—not cooked—over a roaring fire. I'd sit down and tell them what I saw, describing the war that surely must be raging overhead. And then, my story complete, the fire dead with embers aglow, I’d crawl into the hut, dank and stinking of humanity, and lay down between my family and friends, wrapped safely in someone’s arms, and dream.

And my talk that night would stir the first new thoughts in men's heads and it would be a powerful new age—one that gave rise to ritual, to religion, to castigation, patriarchy, genocide, hate, envy, fear of death, horror and on and on through the centuries—through the millennia—eventually leading to the invention of the transistor, from which would spring a whole new race—one superior to our own and which will surely see us pass into insignificance, just as the gods before us.

I wish it were I who had ruined mankind. The serpent in the garden.

Perhaps in a very real sense it was me. It has always been people like me, artists and scientists and thinkers, who have propelled our species into obsolescence, and will continue to do so for the short time remaining in which we can rule. I can't change that about myself. But it would have been much more beautiful to be the first. To be unaware of the havoc my selfish and irresponsible dreaming would create.


Goddamn that first theologian. Goddamn him to hell—that place which he invented, that place which does not exist, that place which we can never have the satisfaction of seeing him inhabit...

But goddamn him anyway. Someone damn him. Someone make him pay. Someone—something—please, take it all back.

Can’t we go back to the way it was? When gods were real and the rush to inconsequentiality had not yet begun? Can’t we go back to mothers and magic and the warm soft earth in which we rest after a scant 30 years of life? Can’t we go back to being the gods’ hobby, instead of shouldering the responsibility of the creation of yet another universe?

This life has been too short. When I was a 25-year-old child I climbed trees for fruit to feed my village. Now, as an old man of 25 years, I drive through poisonous gas to the fluorescent lights of the supermarket to buy technological sustenance to feed myself alone.


It’s not easy being God.


But once cast from the Garden, there is no going back.


<-- 4:10 PM MT -->
Hey, I added a new link. This one goes to Illegal Operation. Give them a look-see.

Oh, and a fellow Coloradin named xlr8r works over there. All the more reason to check them out. :)

Right now I am *trying* to make some reason out of all my CDs. I have well over 400 now and keeping them in order has become quite a task. Not to mention about every week I add about 5 new ones to the collection. But hey, at least I am not spending all my money on alcohol. So I guess that is a plus.

<-- 9:44 PM MT -->
I just realized that The Hooligan zine is actually on the web now. Go check it out RIGHT NOW! I will even put a link to it on the nav bars.

Are you still here? I thought I told you to go look at The Hooligan!!!

So anyway, Acrobat Down has a full length CD out finally. I plan on driving all the way up to Boulder to buy it tomorrow. Not only are they described as the best band in Denver, but I would argue the best in the nation. The comprise members from Small Dog Frenzy and have played all over the Denver area with such bands as Blue Ontario. If you can find it, pick up their album. If you can't find it, send me a email and maybe we can hook you up with it. Aaron Hobbs is one of the best emo vocalists I know.

Ok ok... I will stop preaching now!

<-- 9:58 PM MT -->
Sorry, wit, humor and sarcasm are wasted on the stupid. If you don't get it, don't ask. It makes you look even more stupid and annoys everyone else.

The sad part is that there are so few who actually do have a useful brain in their skull. If you want to see how stupid our society really is, watch television, especially daytime TV. Damn, when did we go from an agrarian society to trailer trash? Case in point:

Man 22 arrested and charged with incest after his sister complained that her mother aged 43 insisted the girl call her half-brother "Daddy".

Someone, please push the button...


<-- 6:10 PM MT -->
Just so there is no more confusion, the post below by Kurtz25 entitled: "Social Inequality" is (and I will say this one last time)


TOTAL SARCASM



Please stop emailing me and complaining. There is a reason he put the definition of Satire at the top. :)


<-- 12:04 AM MT -->
sat|ire n. ... 2 the use of ridicule, sarcasm, irony, etc. to expose, attack, or deride vices, follies, etc.



KURTZ'S TAKE ON THE PROBLEMS OF SOCIAL EQUALITY:

After a lot of thought, I have come to believe that all current social equality dilemmas stem from a single common source: Stupid People.

Take the racism issue, for instance. Seemingly, a huge number of whites believe blacks to be dimwitted good-for-nothings simply because they are black. This, as I think we can all agree, is preposterous. These people aren’t stupid because they’re black; they’re black because they’re stupid.

Everyone knows that pristine snowy-white skin takes precedence in American society, so if someone is dumb enough to be black in spite of that, I’d say it’s their own damned fault. Why should the people who were bright enough to choose the winning team bend over backwards to help the ones who didn’t? They deserve a life of despair and servitude for that dumbass mistake.

The same goes for the chicks. I mean come on! If they didn’t want to be used as sex toys by men and cook brownies, they should’ve grown penises! For Chrissakes! All this “glass ceiling,” “why can’t I fly a fighter jet,” “how come ‘7 of 9’s’ uniform’s so tight” bullshit is ridiculous. The reason, dearie, is that you’re such a fucking ditz that you let yourself get stuck with a twat. If you’d been paying attention like those of us with cocks between our legs, you wouldn’t be in this mess. You’d be a CEO bombing the shit out of all those foreigners and boning that Star Trek bitch on the side. Sorry, sister. No pity here.

And don’t even get me started on the handicapped fucks. Take this Stephen Hawking idiot. I don’t know about you, but I’ll be goddamned before I’m gonna let some guy who’s such a fucking retard he doesn’t even know he’s supposed to use those legs for walking tell me what the fucking universe is made of. And what the hell is up with handicapped parking? It’s no wonder the damn things are always empty. As if someone who’s so stupid they can’t even hear is smart enough to find Best Buy!

All this equality nonsense could be laid to rest if the people of America would just stop being so damn stupid and stop insisting on being anything but white males like the rest of us. Until then, however, I say we let the dipshits live with their own dumbass mistakes.

<-- 9:31 AM MT -->
So blacksage is moving to a new host soon. I want to assure all you 48 or so faithful readers that we will be back up by next week at the latest.

What is happening? Well, the host we are on right now is a virtual host. This means that they can/will only host me as one site with one password on the server. We are moving to a VServer (virtual server) who will allow me to have virtual hosting.

I have been approached by a few people who would be interested in joining us. Thus, my decision to move to a server that will give me the tools I need to become a host to many of the fine sites out there with no home.

<-- 12:45 PM MT -->
Well you can call me Employee #521. I am now the Phester.org Office Lackey.

I actually found phester a while ago and thought it was a damn good idea. But, a HD crash, web design for other sites, and lazyness had pushed it right out of my mind. So here you go, check it out and sign up. Phester.org is one of the coolest ideas I have heard of in a long time.





Wow... talk about a color clash with this site! :)

<-- 10:35 PM MT -->
I don't normally bother talking on this subject... but here goes.

I actually live about 20 minutes away from the center of the Columbine stuff. Let me tell you, there is so much people outside of the Dever area don't understand. Even today the insanity still lingers. I work with a guy in his 40's who won't even wear his trenchcoat anymore because of the whole "shooting thing." Not to mention the odd looks you get in software stores when you are looking at a game box with a gun on it.


"Don't worry lady, this game won't ship with real ammo till the expansion in March."


Sure, it sucks that some kids got killed by some other kids who had problems. But now I am a suspect because I use the internet, play violent games, and own a trenchcoat. So I guess this is how it works:


1. The internet allows me to brag about what I am about to do.
2. Quake and Tribes help me work up the "mad skilz" I need to go on a high school killing rampage.
3. My trenchcoat helps me feel like a badass when I actually get around to killin' by almost putting me into a movie like The Matrix.


But back in reality we know better. Those of use who aren't totally insane (relativly anyway) know that the media is totally lost when it comes to a story that isn't about money or the weather.

One can only hope that the next time some kids walk into a school and start shooting all their "peers," the media will blame it on Country music, denim jackets, and the WB network. *sigh*


<-- 6:26 PM MT -->
I realize this isn’t the most current topic, but it's something I’ve been afraid to talk about for a long time, being that we’re so near and all. I have, however, had a few thoughts rattling about in the old brainpan for quite awhile and I thought it was time to let them out.


THOUGHTS ON COLUMBINE:

CASSIE BERNALL
Okay, the Christians (like my poor empty-nest parents) are getting all hot and bothered about the fact that one of their numbers got her head blown off. "She's a martyr!" they all shout in between plopping down 10% of their income for a tithe and buying Jesus-based self-help books, "She was killed for her beliefs, which she never backed down on!" Okay, bullshit. Cassie Bernall wasn't killed for being a Christian. She was killed for being a stupid whore. I'm sorry, but if a nerdy murderous psycho has a gun to your head, asking if you believe in God, and you KNOW that he wants you to say "yes" so he can rid you of that unsightly growth rising from between your shoulders, the correct answer is "No." Believe me, Jesus will get over it. He's all-forgiving, right? Now, I guess it's likely that if she had said "No," the response would have been "Haha, you stupid whore, think you can get off that easy? " but if she had done that, we wouldn't have to be subjected to all this martyrdom nonsense. By saying "Yes, I believe," and then by giving them a little sermon on following "God's path," she was doing no different from saying, "Please, kill me! Please blow my little blonde head all over many a tome of forgotten lore! For I am a stupid whore! Please kill me!" This wasn't martyrdom. It was suicide.

VIDEO GAMES
The two gunmen learned to kill from violent video games, so we're told, and I'm inclined to believe it. I mean, when I'm sitting on my ass in front of the computer with one hand on the keyboard and the other on the mouse, it's JUST LIKE running down a hallway throwing bombs and firing a handgun. I'm sure that if I ever needed to go on a killing spree, my many hours of mouse-clicking and key tapping would come in handy. It's so similar and all.

THE INTERNET
Oh my God! Not the internet! I don't really know what it is, but I see a lot of commercials about it on TV (the internet's a part of that AOL thing right?) and my preacher told me there is a lot of sex on it. Quite frankly, I'm afraid of it, which is why I don't have a computer or microwave and live in a plywood shack in Montana and make my own screws out of nails I found so no one can trace the packages I like to send to old colleagues of mine. Heheh, laugh at ME will you? We'll see who's laughing when your head is sprayed all over your dining room wall, Professor Internet-Know-It-All!

THE AFTERMATH
So now many schools are starting to put in metal detectors to weed out potential mass murderers. This is just plain silly. Anyone who has seen "The Matrix," which, evidently, was also a major cause of the Columbine duck shoot, knows how you get through one of those:


(A student in a scary black trench coat, scraggly attempt at facial hair, bad acne and an anime shirt slumps up to the metal detector. He walks through and the alarm shrieks.)

GUARD: Do you have any metal on you?

JIMMY: (pulling a Glock from his pocket) Just this.

GUARD: Now Jimmy, that's not an appropriate item to bring to school. It's a violation of dress code, and I'm going to have to ask you to hand it over. You can have it back at the end of--

(BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM!)


It's preposterous. It's not like someone going on a killing spree is going for subtlety. Why should they care if someone knows they're packing heat? Everyone's going to know in about 30 seconds anyway.

The other measure many schools are taking is locking the majority of the doors so there are only one or two entry/exit points. This is allegedly supposed to eliminate the problem of gun-toting loonies creeping in through unmonitored doors before unleashing their havoc.

First off, I can't believe the fire marshal is letting them get away with this. It's a crematorium waiting to happen. Second, if I were a gun-toting loony, I would have an accomplice break in through the door farthest from the main one and start herding the masses toward the front door, where I'd be waiting to pick off the track team which had naturally ended up heading the pack. It's utterly absurd.


Overall, the whole situation is ridiculous. You'd think that there was a mass murder in every high school across the nation the way people are carrying on. It's not a problem that can be solved, because it's no one's fault but everyone's (well, everyone but me). It will merely cease to be fashionable and become passé. I envision this scene in a typical American high school circa 2001:


"Oh my GAWD, did you hear that that Eddie guy killed, like, 20 people in the cafeteria today?" asks Brittany, the 16-year-old cheerleader with chlamydia, of Melissa, the captain of the cheerleading team.

"Oh my GAWD!" she replies, eyes rolling, "That is so, like, 1999."

"Way. But it's still, like, sorta sad and all..."

"Way." then, perking up, she adds "I know! Let's go get gang banged by the football team!"

"I swear, Melissa, this is why, like, you're the captain and I'm just, like, assistant captain."

"Way." Turning, Melissa begins to walk down the hall toward the football locker rooms when Brittany's mother leaps from a student's locker with a crowbar and smashes her knees from the side.

"Take THAT, bitch!" the mother shrieks, "We'll see who's captain NOW!"

"Thanks mommy!" Brittany peals as Melissa lies screaming on the tile floor, her crushed and ruined knees turning purple before her very eyes.

"No problem, sweetie! Do you want Mummy to lick you off now, or can you wait 'till you get home?"

"NOW, bitch!"

And so, as Mummy's head begins bobbing beneath Brittany's freshly pleated cheerleading miniskirt, the bell rings, signifying yet another day in All-American High has come to a close.



Hmm, I wonder if I’ll be allowed to post again... And if Corin will be upset with me...


<-- 10:59 AM MT -->
It's reading stuff like this that keeps me going.

Incite: Where do you see EverQuest two to three years from now?

McQuaid: The present incarnation of EverQuest is just the tip of the iceberg in terms of what 989 Studios and Verant has planned for future massively multiplayer titles, whether they be in the form of expansions, sequels, or entirely new games. It’s too early to go into details but, well, you ain’t seen nothin’ yet.

Online gaming owns me... I can't wait to see what 989 Studios will pull out of their hat next.

<-- 10:44 AM MT -->
After querying a close friend if he had made it home after a weekend of fun, this is the response I get:

Well, as a matter of fact, I DID. For all YOU know I could have been splattered across the road like a Halloween pumpkin on November 1st. Sheesh. We go out on Saturday, I think everything went well, I'm looking forward to hearing from you and what do I get? NOTHING. No flowers, no call, no email, not even a fucking POSTCARD. How do you think that makes me feel, huh??? I lie around all night in my pink lacy little negligee, coyly wrapping my furry pink princess phone's cord around my finger as I lounge on my giant heart-shaped bed with all the stuffed animals and laced pillows, waiting for you to call. But do you? NO. So every night, after my 4 strawberry dacquiris, I resign myself to slipping between my pink satin sheets, cuddling Mr. Boo, my giant teddy bear, wishing it were you, but knowing it's not, slipping into a deep inebriated sleep, dreaming of you as I suck on my thumb.

Here's a poem about how I feel:

Tortured Heart

Your square jawline, your deep voice
I feel dizzy when you speak
When we go out on Saturdays
I am giddy for a week

But then I realize
That you think I'm just some slut
For you to use and fuck
And put fingers in my butt

I want to cry when I feel like
You do not give a shit
When all I really am to you
Is some good ass and some good tit

But in spite of all your shit
I still love you so
I have a tortured heart
That is what you must know

For every night when I go to sleep
It's about you that I dream
And when I never get a call
It makes me want to scream

Is there a life that we can find
Where you and I can work
Or will I feel forever
Like a stupid dork?

There's nothing I can do now
I'm pierced by cupid's dart
I'm yearning for the day
You fix this tortured heart

I'm sorry I'm crying too much right now so I have to stop writing.

Have a nice life. I hope you are happy. I'm going to a frat party to see if I can get the guys to run a train on me. THAT'LL SHOW YOU YOU FUCKING JERK!!! I'LL FUCK EVERY GUY AT CSU!!! HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT, YOU ASSHOLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well that is just an example of what I put up with on a daily basis, explains why I am nuts? Maybe justifies... who knows!


<-- 10:42 AM MT -->
Well we added 2 new people to the site. Both are personal friends of Corin7 and both are very eloquent writers.

Kurtz25
I have heard rumors this guy is an English major. Some of the emails Corin7 has let me read from this guy use words I have never seen before. So look for some good stuff here. Kurtz25 resides in the Ft. Collins, CO area right now. But don't use that against him. *grin*

Rick
Rick lives in Texas ::cough*hick*cough:: He is an entertainment journalist for a local paper down there somewhere. I don't know much more about him, so maybe we can get him to introduce himself.

So there we go. 2 new people to bring some more variety to the site.


<-- 7:27 AM MT -->
Point.

Dogs are trained to point out objects to their masters.

The dog's body stiffens, forming a straight line. "There, look where the dog is pointing." A downed duck. Danger. Drugs.

Now it is the master-turned-parent who points out an object to the dog. A dropped morsel of food here, a rabbit in the distance there, an inert frisbee on the grass.

Look, we say, pointing towards the object. But no matter how insistent our gesture or how coaxing our tone of voice, the dog continues to stare dumbly at our extended finger.

The more we point, the harder they fix their stare on our gesturing hand.

Humans are beginning to resemble their dogs.

Point.

A couple walks down a city sidewalk just as dusk gives way to early evening. The man beckons his companion to the sight of a blood-red moon hanging heavy and low in the twilight.

Though his hand motions towards the heavens, the companion grasps only the gesturing fingers. The companion is a deep thinker, a self-conscious and highly concerned individual, and so he never lifts his eyes to the heavens.

It's as if he can't see the sky for the hand in front of his face.

<-- 2:57 PM MT -->
Found this on the HARDOCP site.


sick sick gamers

Click to enlarge

<-- 9:29 PM MT -->
One thing I have noticed lately is the amount of good movies hitting theatres. Not Unbelievably great movies, but rather ones that just leave you feeling like you at least got your dollars worth. Something I don't think could really be said last year. I even left the super successful titanic thinking "Did I really just spend 7$ on that?" I wasn't a big fan.

This year has renewed my faith in hollywood. With movies like The Matrix, Stigmata, The Bone Collector and Fight Club just to wet our appetite. Within the next two weeks we will be treated to Dogma, The messanger and Sleepy Hollow, big budget movies may have some life left in em yet!


<-- 6:22 PM MT -->
So I added another new utility to this site. You can now send me a message direct to my cell phone. Try it HERE.

Man I feel lame now. *G*

<-- 9:49 PM MT -->
Added a new E/N link to the list on the right. It's Intense Shock, check them out, looks like some good stuff.

I went to Tower records today and couldn't find ANYTHING I wanted. New music is something I look forward to on the weekends and I hate it when I can't find anything I want. So after I got home I got to thinking. I left again and went to a small local store called Black & Read. I found more then I could handle. I love small shops. They always seem to have just what I want. Anyway, I picked up a comp called "Coolidge 50." It has one band from EVERY STATE doing that state's song. It kicks ass. Also picked up Mineral's CD called "The power of failing." If there was a band I liked as much as Christie Front Drive, Mineral would be it.

In this site's news, I moved some stuff around. The nav pulldown is now on the right. I also added a quote script. I put up about 20 quotes, but I need a ton more. So that will give me something to think about for a while. But for now, I think it is time to play some Age of Empires 2. *drools*

<-- 6:54 PM MT -->
Military aviator Chuck Yeager left the earth and flew faster than the speed of sound only to return to the exact same place his flight began. Why? Why travel in a circle? And why would anyone need to outrun sound?

The fear of others.

Yeager's mission was not to outrun sound in the abstract. It was to make possible a world absent of the noise of others. To boldly go where no man has gone before: a place necessarily devoid of other human beings.

Like the environment of computer generated images, the world at Mach 2 is empty, inhuman.

Speed is silence.

Inside the cockpit, the portable office, the commuter's automobile, only time talks. Only the clock speaks.

In this artifical space of absolute time, nature is also silenced. We no longer live and work according to the seasons nor the time of day. The rooster has been replaced by the alarm. We automatically answer the ringing telephone.

<-- 11:49 PM MT -->
Got an email from Aherdofturtles. Nice design. Give em a spin.

So anyway, it is now almost midnight and I want to be at home. Am I though? Nope. Work work work, thats all I have done for the past 2 days. I am tired. I am grumpy. I am sick of people forgetting what i told them and then totally freaking out. My phone (company supplied) sucks here. I can't hear anything when someone calls me. One more day and this damn week can finally be over.

<-- 11:22 PM MT -->
No more hiding for me. This place has been built around things being said and I will say them. What things to say? Who to say them about? What things are of interest? How to say these things? So many Questions...

It's the how you say things that matters most. Seems to me most things have already been said, some where, some time. Whether or not you have seen them is irrelevant... it's all been said. Maybe I can say them a little different, maybe someone will recognize that.


<-- 8:05 PM MT -->
Just posted an essay I wrote. Check it out HERE.

Also, I noticed the Message Board is very neglacted. Check it out sometime.


<-- 3:25 PM MT -->
I can't believe I forgot them for this long. I added a link to this incredible band's site to the emo links list. You can also check them out here. I need to start getting all their newer stuff again. Last CD I bought was “Big Red Letter Day” and it still makes me cry when I listen to it. I mean just read through these lyrics:

Anything That Way



The moon was full your whisky sour
Oh girl there's no need to be so dour
Cause when you walk with me in the beginning of the day
You see, I don't need anything that way

I'm wishing things could be the same
When things got broken you came
My moods were always changing they were blue then brown then grey
You see, I don't need anything that way
You see, I don't need anything that way

I'm fighting tooth and nail
Against these demons in my head
And no matter where I'm sleeping
My history's right there in bed

When things blew open you flew in
And I was caught red-handed once again
Was I really robbing you of the best days of your life?
I'm sorry I never meant anything that way

The mailman came this way today
He said "No sir, I've got nothing for you today"
Went outside in the morning time but I got lost along the way
You see, I don't need anything that way
No no I don't need anything that way
Oh no I don't need anything that way

I don't need anything that way, that way
I don't need anything that way



*crys* I need a cigarette now...

<-- 11:42 PM MT -->
I noticed 4 people were not posting (actually they never posted anything) so I removed them. Which means that we have some openings. If you would like to join our site let me know. I will get back to you as soon as I can.

Also, I would like to do this...

*waves hi to atley*


<-- 9:26 AM MT -->
All I wanted was a scone. One with chocolate chunks in it. And a coffee. Is that too much to ask? I guess it is since I came back with a muffin and something that sort of tastes like watered down milk.

Oh how I miss the days of simple coffee drinks. This one guy in line in front of me ordered something that took him over 15 seconds to say. In the end though, it is still COFFEE AND MILK, DAMN IT!

<-- 9:29 PM MT -->
As people we portray an image. Not the clothes you wear, or the way your hair is done, or even the car you drive. I mean an image of yourself. Not an image you can see, but an image everyone around you can feel. Take for instance someone you don’t like much. This person might dress well, drive a nice car, or even smell nice. But your image is tainted by the fact that you don’t like them. And because of your dislike, no amount of external decoration in the world will change this image.

I was thinking about this today after work. Every day I stop in the 7-11 by my work to buy a pack of cigarettes. Today I bumped into a girl I had known a few years ago. She had changed the way she dresses, her hair was a better style, she had a very nice car, and she smelled great. But as soon as she opened her mouth and spoke to me, all the nasty feelings I had for her came rushing back.

Another thought. I just met someone new and have been talking to this person quite a bit. Last night though, I was told something rather righteous. This person told me, “How can anyone ever say that they truly know themselves? I don’t think I want to know myself that well.”

Think about that. How many times have you surprised yourself? Or ever said “wow, I didn’t know I had it in me.”

We are strange people.